Once Upon a Time...

I know some of you have already heard this, but I thought I'd put it up anyway. :)

Long ago, in a land full of rainbows and butterflies, there lived a fairy princess named Niara (meaning “Fat One” in the elfish language). All day, she would sit in her buttercup, singing songs of spring, summer, and death, while she brushed her long, golden hair. Beneath her flower dwelling, stood a gnome named Tramsen (meaning “Made of Parsley” in the tongue of the trolls). There he stood, day after day, for he was a royal guard and never deserted his post.
      Niara’s life should have been a happy one, except for one thing; she was allergic to pollen. Although she tried not to show it, every day was a misery. Queen Twia and King Norb were worried. How could their daughter ever marry if she was always red and puffy? Each day, suitors would come, bringing flowers and leave, disgusted. Finally, after months of searching, there came a suitor that didn’t mind her odd looks. There was just one, small problem; he was a troll. With a gnarled face sprouting hair in all the wrong places, Worg (which means “One Who Eats Parsley”) wasn’t much to look at. He frightened the queen half to death, but the king tried to look at things in a more logical manner. This could be their daughter’s only chance. Why risk it? Before the troll could reconsider, the king and queen gave their ready consent. But because they were new at this sort of thing, they forgot to, a.) Check Worg’s criminal background and b.) Ask Niara.
       Meanwhile, Tramsen had finally built up enough courage to ask the princess a simple question. Would she marry him? Overjoyed, Niara answered with a happy sneeze.
       When King Norb and Queen Twia found out, they were horrified.

“But, Niara, dear!” the queen squeaked, “You’re already engaged!” and promptly fainted.

Gently, King Norb broke the news to Worg and was surprised at how calmly he took it. The troll just gave a blank stare. For a whole hour, he just stared. When the king’s words finally sunk in, Worg was furious.
       For three days, Worg carefully planned his revenge. He surprised himself with his own craftiness, intelligence, shrewdness, and skill. His plan was genius; smash the princess. He walked around with a drooly grin on his face all day. And then, that night, he snuck off.
       As he rounded a corner, he saw the princess’ flower. Screaming, he thundered towards it. When her flower was in smashing-range, he raised his club above his head.

“What are you doing?” It was Tramsen.

Worg paused, mid-swing. He had not planned on this.

Thinking quickly, Worg said, “Um…Nothing?”

“Good,” said Tramsen, “Then go do nothing over there.” He pointed to a clump of bushes.

Worg pouted. It wasn’t fair! He was about to walk away, when he had an idea.

“You’re not the boss of me!” he yelled, and raised his club.

“Yes I am.”

This was so frustrating.

“Says who?”

“The tree over there told me so yesterday.” Tramsen said, calmly.

“Oh yeah?” Suddenly, he whipped his club at the tree. “Ha! That’s what I think of your stupid tree!” He started to laugh, and couldn’t seem to stop. He was so smart. Intelligent. Crafty. Evil. His mother would be proud.

Tramsen’s eyes widened. “Uh-oh!”

The laughter stopped.

“What?”

“Well, I was just thinking, trolls always have clubs, right?”

“Yeah…so?” Worg frowned. This gnome was dumber than he thought.

“So…you don’t have a club. That means you can’t be a troll. You’re just an ugly dwarf!”

Worg was dumbfounded. The stupid gnome was right. He was just a dwarf, and an ugly one at that! Dwarves didn’t destroy stuff. They dug holes. Worg walked off into the forest and was never seen again.
     Everyone attended the princess’ wedding, and said it was the beautifulest thing they had ever seen. Tramsen and Niara moved into a little mossy hut, away from pollen.

Together, they lived happily ever after.

THE END